H&K 5-a-side: The Lads vs the Dads

What happens when you get a bunch of 30-somethings raging against the dieing sporting light, and a bunch of confident 20-somethings with it all to prove?

The result is a sporting contest for the ages. And so it was last Wednesday afternoon as H&K’s finest Lads, Dads and everything in-between emerged from the 4th floor to contest a heavyweight footballing battle at London Bridge.

Or at least that’s how it should have been but for an alarming drop-out rate amongst the physically fragile Dads – the result being that we ended up with Lads vs Dads(& Lads).

But enough of that and onto the game which started at a frantic pace with the muscle-strewn Roberts snapping around the heels of the Lads in his imposing red wifebeater, and Whitlock demonstrating all his semi-pro skills with a couple of nifty turns. It was the Lads who struck first however, rifling the net with a crisp strike after only a few minutes. The Dads were undisturbed though, sticking to their tight, controlled passing game with the cat-like Sutherden barking the orders from the back like the Peter Schmeichel he clearly wished he always could have been.

Honours remained close throughout, with excellent solo efforts from Jones and Bell cancelled out by a net-ripper from chief lad Battersby and a mazy, Kaka-esque run from Woods ending with the ball in the net and the man himself seeking a high five at every turn.

With time running out, bodies shattered and sweat dripping from every limb (plus the Dads’ goalkeeper struggling to keep the score), the call went out for ‘next goal wins’. The Lads, sensing victory, launched a last bombardment but were repelled by the twin rocks of Ben ‘Edgar Davids’ Curson and the go-go gadget arms of ‘keeper Sutherden.

Renewed, the Dads assaulted the opposition goal with everything they had, forcing bodies, balls and buttocks to be thrown in the way by the exhausted Lads. And it was then, when the fire of the Dads seemed to have finally been extinguished that Pythagoras struck his cruellest blow.

Chambers, clearly desperate for a pint more than his soul was worth, allowed a harmless shot to bounce off two walls and into the path of a grateful, surprised and utterly clinical Roberts, who took revenge for all over-30s everywhere by gleefully burying the ball high into the gaping net.

7-6 to the Dads and cue the gloating. Until next time…